booming!

All. Hello again. I’m so glad to see all the support my blog is getting. Because the more support we get the more the prejudice and shame is getting well and truly squished! Soon the subject won’t be taboo and those who are scornful will be the ones made to feel ashamed!

I’ll tell you all a bit more about myself.

The reason I started this blog is because I’ve been a long term sufferer of depression and GAD ( generalized anxiety disorder). I have had counselling which for me didn’t work. I even remember being told by one counsellor that I pitied myself to much! When my illness became really serious I felt to embarrassed to tell anyone especially when I started hearing angry voices. I mean, what was I supposed to tell people? Hi lovely weather we are having and by the way I’m hearing voices! I decided to ignore them as I knew they weren’t real but the more I ignored them the more distressed I became which made them worse. One day I was home alone and feeling really down when the voices became louder and more intense. It’s wasn’t the ” go and kill someone ” kind and i wasn’t having any kind ofconversation with some imaginary being. It’s was more of a series of over lapping angry voices that didn’t make much sense. But as I sat on the bathroom floor crying and scratching my face till it bled the angry screams frightened me so much I knew I needed help. I’m glad I did. I had also developed an even more intense phobia of spiders . Yes I know,they are only spiders but I hate the damn things. Anyway I got the help I needed. I’ve had a lot of therapy. A heck of a lot! And the people I had cbt with were amazing. I wasn’t afraid to tell them how I felt. But when the time was up I felt abandoned and over time the depression crept back up on me. The depression monster had once again bitten me on the arse ! I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I thought I must be well and truly losing my mind. I thought I was to damaged. But a couple of weeks ago I thought, you know what. Fuck it! I can’t go on like this. I’m gonna lose my mind if I go on like this. Surely I can’t be the only one who feels like this. So I decided to do something about it. I decided to start this blog and start writing a book. I’m so glad I did because even though it means spilling my guts to so many people I feel better for it. It helps to write it down. I want to live. If I can help just one person to seek help itl be worth it. I can not bare the thought of others feeling this way and suffering alone. You need to know you are not weird. You need to know you are not mad. You need to know you are brave and strong. And most of all you need to know you can feel safe while trusting other while you share your thoughts and feelings. You are important and I thank you all for the support you have given so far. I am here for you all.

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2 thoughts on “booming!

  1. I feel scared and embarrassed in telling people how I feel on a day to day basis I’m severely depressed and feel I have no one to turn too what advise would you say that could help me get out of this habit of bottling things up all the time?

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    1. Hello jess,
      Thank you for the message. I know how hard it is to get your feelings out on paper or out in the open. You have sent me a message and that’s great, you have taken a huge brave step whether you know it or not.
      For me I knew I needed help when it got to the point of me feeling as though I was gonna crack up. I had cbt which is cognitive behaviour therapy. It really did do me a lot of good. Since writing this I’ll starting feeling better because there’s so many who feel the same way. I started writing the odd comment on Facebook and was encouraged by some of the responses. Only tell people what you want them to know. Talk or write about how u feel but little by little so u feel comfortable with what u share. Most of all don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about how u feel. Depression is an awful illness that is out of your control. Read about it as much as you can so you can start tobelieve thatyou are normal and many people feel the same way. You have more courage than you think so be pleased at the steps u have made.

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