Those of you who have been reading my blogs with know I have rather a lot of trouble sleeping. It drives me nuts! No sleeping = to many intrusive thoughts. So during these times I cope the best way I can. Tonight I watched a film from my youth. A film with I guy I was in love with as a kid! All the girls were. Mr Corey haim ! Just One Of The Girls was one of my fave films. Along with the lost boys and licence to drive! So I introduced my daughter to the film just one of the girls, and she loved it. Now as she sleeps I’m thinking again. I’m thinking that Haim was one of the biggest stars when I was young. One of those young actors who well and truly hit the big time. Everyone wanted him. A huge talented star. And, then he wasn’t. How many people he had died? How many people cared? His fall from grace left him well and truly floored. To most he was just another junkie. To most no one even remembered the huge talent Corey haim was. I find it tragic. I find it terribly sad. He was another troubled talent. Another troubled soul. How can someone so huge become someone no one remembered ?
The depression monster claimed another victim. What makes me feel so sad is that when he was the huge star people would throw themselves at him. But once he was bitten the depression destroyed the talent he was. It’s frightening how little sympathy people had for him. It goes to show that depression doesn’t care who it infects. It doesn’t care who it destroys because that is what depression does . But what does make me think is that for so many years depression has been one of the most discriminated against illnesses of all time. Even with the rich and famous. Even for someone like Corey haim. I think their seems to be less understanding for the celebs as people seem to think that because they are famous it doesn’t make it any more tragic. I agree, but it doesn’t make it any less so either. I loved Corey haim and I still feel sad when I see him in films now. I feel sad that even now depression is still disrcriminated against. And it always will be if we don’t do something about it. I feel so sad for anyone who has lost their battle with mental health issues. I want it to stop. It needs to stop. People need to feel safe to talk.
As each day races by I sometimes wonder what it is I really want out of life. I sometimes wonder if I will ever truly be happy. I live in fear of losing those I love. I live in fear of how I would cope as my sadness already feels ocean deep. I live in fear of never falling in love.
I don’t want riches or fast cars. I just want to be able to smile and mean it. Isn’t that what we all truly want?