I can’t remember how I came across the slimming tablets that made me lose so much weight as well as part of my sanity. All I know is that when I started taking them my weight plummeted straight away. The tabs cut my appetite dead. I could go for up to five days without eating a bite and even when I did eat I was barely eating a thing. I also went to the gym constantly and every time I ate I would punish myself by eexercising even more to burn off the calories. It wasn’t long before people stopped recognizing me because of how thin I had become. I felt ill all the time and fainted often. I was completely obsessed with losing weight but like any medication as time went on I needed more for them to work. One day my daughter came to me in tears. She told me I wasn’t the same mum anymore , she told me I had become bad tempered and moody. She also told me that she knew I wasn’t eating and sshe was terrified I would die. I felt so guilty but it didn’t stop me from starving myself. The tabs made me shake. My heart would beat very fast and I would feel hot and ill. Another side effect was insomnia. I’d be awake for nights and nights and it drove me mad. I’ve suffered with insomnia for as long as I can remember because of the worry and terror of going to school but now it was even worse.
It was during this time that I started hearing voices. At first the voices were quiet. I could hear a man and a woman talking quietly. To be honest at first I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it or if there really were people close by talking. As time went by the voices became louder and angrier. I felt terrified and ashamed. How could I tell people I was hearing voices? What would people think? If someone tells you they are hearing voices the first thing you think is schizophrenia. I was depressed, still traumatized from my daughters illness, I was also suffering from generalized anxiety disorder. I’d had major surgery on my face the year my daughter was ill and a lovely woman we knew tragically died. Everything had got on top of me and the fact I’d gotten quite chunky made me hate myself. It was the January when I started taking the slimming pills and by late spring I had dropped five stone. The side effects made me ill and I’d started hearing voices.
I tried to ignore the voices for as long as possible but one night when I was home alone and I could hearing people screaming and shouting inside my head. The voices were so loud and angry I was terrified and I knew I needed help. I’m glad I went for help because even though I still hear the voices they aren’t as angry. When I’m really distressed they become angry but I can handle them better. Eventually I stopped taking the appetite suppressant because it no longer worked but the long term effects on my mental health wasn’t worth it. Now I’m even bigger than I ever have been. I went from an appetite suppressant pill addiction to a sleeping pills addiction. The toll these pills have taken on my mental health have been a frightening nightmare.