Today at 16:05 my uncle Geoff died of cancer. I feel gutted at the loss of my uncle, another family member gone. The cancer took him quite quickly and we knew death was coming for him pretty soon as he had advanced pancreatic cancer. My mum and two of my other uncles were with him when he breathed his last breath. They were there to say goodbye and to hold his hand. They were there to tell him they loved him. They made sure he wasn’t alone. It doesn’t take away the overwhelming feeling of loss and sadness. I can’t believe he’s gone. Even though we knew it was coming we still can’t believe he’s gone. I feel sad, anxious and afraid. I wonder who is next. The fear of death is well and truly kicking my ass. I know it sounds stupid but each day that passes brings me closer to losing more family, like my mum. My dad. My sister. My beautiful daughter. Now I feel as though life is rushing by way to quickly for me to keep up. Sometimes when I’m alone I imagine what it would be like to lose my parents or my sister or even worse my daughter. I think about it so Much I start to cry and want to scratch my face. I get so overwhelm ed with despair, fear and sadness that I think I’m gonna crack up. Now one of my uncle’s has gone who will go next? Am I going to lose anyone else very soon? I can’t bare to think about it. When family dies do we see each other again. Do we all meet up in heaven all together again ? I like to think so, it brings me comfort. Has my uncle reached heaven yet ? Will he be able to see us ?
I know my uncle isn’t in pain any more and I suppose that’s some sort of relief but it doesn’t real comfort us much because he’s still gone. It doesn’t seem real. He was one of my favourite uncles. I just hope this goodbye isn’t a final goodbye.
Night night uncle Geoff. Until we meet again, we will never for you.
Dedicated to my uncle Geoff. Xx