Well it’s gone five in the morning and once again I’m wide awake. Insomnia is a bitch. Surprisingly though my mood is good. Probably because it’s no longer Sunday. I’ve spent the last hour looking at Christmas pressies for my daughter. No doubt I’ll spoil her way to much as usual ! I no longer feel jittery or agitated which is great because it’s a horrible feeling. Unfortunately when I feel like that and anxious all I can do is ride it through and know it will pass and I can get through it. I wish I knew how to stop worrying all the time. Even when my mood is good I always find something to worry about. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just totally crackers !
Today I will spend the day making wreaths , Christmas shopping and house work. I love shopping for Christmas so that’s probably why my mood is good. I’m also looking forward to going to Bratislava for the Christmas markets with my daughter. As I have said before it’s important to give yourself something to look forward to no matter how big or small. It helps to keep me sane!
I have also been thinking about how lucky I am to have such an amazing daughter, our bond is strong and solid. It’s been me and my daughter since day one and nothing ever has or will come between us. She’s my world and I don’t know what I would do without her. I wish it could be just us forever but I know that’s not possible. Soon she will be making her own way in the world and I know I will find that hard but we will always have time for each other. I think about all the wonderful times we have had together and the many more times we have to come. I’m lucky to have had some of the experiences that I have had and to have been to all the places that I’ve been lucky enough to see and most of it has been shared with my wonderful daughter. There are people who have had things so tough but cope so well whether they realize it or not. I’ve had it tough but at least I have my beautiful daughter. I’ve been to many places and seen and experienced wonderful things. I know I have more to come.
As I’ve been lying awake I have been thinking about a wonderful friend who has a huge battle ahead of her. I love and admire her strength, courage and determination. She always knows the right thing to say and she has a wonderful and gentle kind nature that you don’t always see now. No matter how bad she feels she always has time and kind words for me. Her battle ahead will be tough but I know she can do it. I’ll be with her all the way and cheering her on. She is stronger than she realizes and one day she will see that. And maybe one day I will to. Pam, I love you to bits and I’ll never let you down.