make no apologises, learn not to give a f**k!

There is one thing I can honestly say about my blog, I make no apologies for it. What I write is honest and my truth. I don’t write this blog to gain sympathy and I certainly don’t write it for pity. In fact I find pity insulting. Nor do I write it to offend or anger anyone. To be honest I don’t really care what anyone thinks of my blog, if you don’t like it then don’t read it. One thing I have noticed is the amount of people that can’t be bothered reading it or are to jealous to read it due to the fact I’m trying to get my life together and help others. For some people it’s sad to say that if your getting somewhere in life and people are happy for you their are plenty others that are jealous.To some of your getting any kind of attention they don’t like it. Since I started writing the depression monster it’s opened my eyes to a lot, some good and some bad. Unfortunately there will always be people in your life that will love to see your down falls and thrive from it. To be honest I thought a lot more people would have taken the time to read this blog but it shows there is a long way to go when it comes to tackling the stigma attached to mental health issues.

I wanted to use this blog as a way to apologize to people due to my past behaviour. I was ill for such a long time without being treated that I didn’t know how to be sociable. I didn’t know how to be around people. I made myself the butt of people’s jokes because really I hated being me and I hated being alive. Eventually though if you put yourself down enough it becomes acceptable for others, even”friends ” to do it all the time. Eventually your just a joke and you believe it. Now though I think fuck it. I’m not perfect and nor is anyone else. All I can do now is be a better person but firstly to myself. Now I need to be good to me because I’ve spent to long hating me. I have my issues and probably always will. I’ve been made to feel worthless, and I’ve been humiliated and knocked down . Some people are not meant to be in your life so there’s no point in apologising to people who really don’t matter. It’s hard to move on from trauma and hurt and pain and it can be hard to forgive but I have to for my own sanity. Because I’m not worthless, I’m not ugly and I certainly don’t deserve to feel this way. I have a good heart and always have and now I’m trying to show it the right way. I am determined to help others see that happiness can be real. That they are not worthless or to broken. They do not deserve to be laughed at and they are no better or worse than any other person trying to make it through life. I will never be part of any two faced clique, I will never have a huge circle of friends but, do you know what not many of us do. Before you try for acceptance from others learn to accept yourself because you will find very few people are worth it no matter how popular they think they are or no matter how many “cool cliques ” they are in. I can promise you one thing you may think you have many faces but so do they. It only now I’m learning not to give a fuck any more.

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