Last night I have to say was pretty rough. My mood was extremely low and I didn’t get a wink of sleep. But one thing has been on my mind today and that’s getting back into shape. No sleep means more snacking. Then my sleep pattern is all messed up which leads me into sleeping crazy anti social hours. I can honestly say since my mental health has declined so have healthy sleep patterns. Insomnia leads to over eating which makes me feel worse, so then I eat some more to make myself feel ( briefly ) better. And around and around we go. I’m more determined than ever to get myself into shape because not only will it benefit my body but it will also benefit my mind. More exercise means more energy, which means more sleep meaning less munching ! I dream of food, I fantasize about food, I haven’t been so much as kissed by a man in over four and a half years because I hate how I look. No more ! I’ve had enough ! I need a life that doesn’t revolve around my stomach ! I want to be beautiful again. I’d like to be able to see my feet again without my huge boobs getting in the way. And who knows maybe I’ll treat myself to a play mate, preferably someone like Tom Hiddleston but hey ! One step at a time, and a girl can dream ! I want a sex like that doesn’t revolve around a battery operated toy ! But most of all I want to be Ayshea again.