If there’s one thing that worries me more than anything is losing a member of my immediate family. I worry about losing my parents. It’s morbid I know but I wonder who will go first. I wish I didn’t have these intrusive thoughts but I do. I can’t help it. I worry about how I would cope. I worry about losing my sister and once again I worry about how I would cope. Most of all though I worry about losing my precious daughter. I can’t bare the thought of it and when I’m really down I torture myself with the loss of my daughter and it hasn’t even happened ! Death is inevitable and whether we like it or not it is coming for us all. I wish I could just learn to live with it and enjoy my time. It scares me so much the thought of losing my family that sometimes I feel I’m going to lose my mind with fear and desperation. When I can’t sleep these thoughts stalk me and I feel so sick with it all that I just want to bash my skull in. I feel as though my mental health is so fragile that I won’t be able to cope when the time comes. Will I be able to live if I lose a loved one ? I know if I lost my daughter I wouldn’t be able to make it. Unfortunately life is cruel and non of us know how we would cope in difficult situations that we haven’t yet experienced. The fear of death stalks me every day and just the thought of it tterrifies so how will I cope when it happens ?
I often wonder if there is life after death. What happens to us ? Do we see our loved ones again ? How about all the people we have known through life that have been tragically snatched away ? Are they out of our life forever ? Do we only see our loved ones again ? It all makes me feel so sad and afraid. I don’t think I would have these distressing thoughts about death if I hadn’t grown up with the J W religion in my life. I blame the watch tower society with their scare tactics and magazines of death and destruction for feeling this way. Hopefully one day when my mind becomes stronger my ability to cope with the inevitable will be to.