why is it ?

I recently heard that happiness is a choice. Is it really ? Then how do you choose ? How do you do it ? I recently heard forgiveness will set you free. So how do you do that ? Why do the better choices seem so hard to do, no matter how good they are for you. Why is it the bad stuff is easier to believe, causing you to dwell on all the shitty moments of your life and all the bad choices you have made. Why is it so hard to believe the good that people see in you ? Why ? Why ? Why ?

At night if I’m alone I get really scared. I hear things that aren’t there. Every sound is terrifying and I’m sure it’s the stranger in black coming to get me. Every bump is a ghost, every squeak is a spirit and every creak is a demon. The ghosts of my past are coming to get me and torment me daily with bad memories and scary dreams . My anger is my monster. Why do I find it so hard to break away from the bad choices, why is it so hard to exercise the demons. Everything is so much scarier at night. As soon as day light starts to break I start to feel better. I wish I knew how to welcome the daylight into my life completely. Maybe I can learn how to do that eventually. Maybe I can learn true happiness. If it’s a choice then how come it’s so damn hard to choose it. It seems impossible. My life is a daily struggle but I will never give up. Soon the choices I make will be the right ones and my life will be the way I’ve always hoped.

Good luck with what ever choices you make in life. You deserve to smile. You deserve to laugh and you deserve to be fulfilled.

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