Depression can be caused for all sorts of reasons. People from all walks of life from all over the world suffer with this awful illness. I have suffered with depression for many years and sometimes it can feel like a losing battle. Sometimes I am truly afraid for my life because it can seem impossible to go on. The invisible agony inside my head hurts so bad that sometimes I feel as though I can’t take it anymore. The thing is I don’t want to die. I want to go on living and be happy but when something hurts so bad you just want to make that pain stop. What makes it harder is trying to explain to people how much pain your in when It’s so hard to explain a mental illness. If people can’t see it they simply don’t want to believe it. My pain is very real, my illness is very real but how can I explain it to someone else when I don’t understand it myself ? It’s not a case of wanting to really die, just because we have mental health issues doesn’t make us mad it just means that getting through each day can feel like torture, we just want it to stop.
In fact one of my biggest fears is death. Ever since I was a kid I would lie awake crying about it. So scared that Armageddon was so close and everyone I knew, loved and cared about was going to die. Pictures of death and destruction as smiling jws walked towards an eternal life on a paradise on earth. Jehovah’s witnesses think only they will survive Armageddon and its a belief used to keep their members under their tight control. A fear technique to brain wash members into following their lead. As a child being told of Armageddon on a regular basis is terrifying and damaging because you truly believe it. Jws don’t allow younger members to read or watch horrors. Horror films are frowned upon and members are told that watching a horror film can invite evil into your home. Buying any kind of books to do with the occult, ghosts, demons etc can also invite evil into your home but yet their literature is full of death and destruction. Full of the deaths of billions of innocent lives. Babies, children, elderly it doesn’t matter. If you’re not a jw then your time is almost up! How can this be normal ? Do these people truly not care about so many deaths ? Do they truly look forward to the deaths of so many, including their own family members ? It’s no wonder so many former and active jws suffer with serious mental health issues. The seven members of the governing body of jws have their members under tight control. Their cruel teachings of Armageddon, shunning, stories of demons and truly terrified members so many believe they have no choice but to stay in the cult. I will go into the topics of shunning ( an extremely cruel practice ) , two witness rule, the blood issue and other topics at another time. Right now I’m going to concentrate on Armageddon and demons.
As I have said death terrifies me. I truly believed that Armageddon was coming for most of us. I used to wonder how and if I was going to die. Would I be crushed ? Would I drown ? Would I burn. Would I see others around me suffer and die ? Not I’m older and no longer believe their bullshit I’m left afraid of growing old and dying. We were made to believe Armageddon was so close, I was told it so often as a child so I believed it. Children are discouraged from higher education because it’s ” so close “. You are told to spend your time devoted to Jehovah and spreading his good news so many youngsters don’t go to college or university. I know people who won’t have children because they want to wait for the new system and Armageddon destroys everyone else. Thing is though. The literature of the jw magazines is full of lies and contradictions. The watch tower has been promising the end of the world for many years. There has been several failed predictions and and according to the watch tower magazine the generation of 1914 would never die ! Well I hate to break it to them but that generation is now six feet under ! The end of the world never happened in 1975 like it was supposed to either so it’s not hard to see why so many jws left the cult after that. But for those people who truly believed and dedicated their whole lives to jehovah now know that they no longer have an eternal life on paradise to look forward to. Everything they believed was a lie . What now for them ? For those of us who truly feared Armageddon it’s a relief. But now I’m left terrified of growing old and losing all those I love around me. Armageddon was terrifying but would have been quick. I would have lost everyone but it would have been fast. Now I have to age and I still lose everyone I love. It’s been very hard to deal with and I still don’t cope well with it. Jws believe that only 144,000 will make it to heaven while everyone else who is saved with be on a paradise earth. So now I wonder if there really is a heaven. According to jws those destroyed at the end are gone for good. Dead ! End of ! For such a long time the comfort of believing in heaven was taken from me. For so many when they lose a loved one their belief in heaven can help get them through their grief. For me it was taken. That’s another reason why I struggle so much. But now, I like to believe I will see those I love again. What’s the point of living just to die so soon and not having another chance ? Its up to me what I choose to believe now and it helps. Seven years ago my daughter became seriously ill and I was even planning her funeral in my head. Luckily she got better but it messed me up. My fear of death intensified even more and I obsessed over it. If I had of lost her I wouldn’t have carried on, I just know it. Now though I try not to dwell on what could have happened or what hasn’t even happened yet.
Another fear that still gives me nightmares is stories of demons. Who needs horror films when you have jws frightening you with ridiculous stories of demons ! Don’t read horror books, you may invite demons into your home. Don’t watch ghost films, you may invite demons into your home. Don’t buy things from booked sales you may invite demons into your home ! Jws don’t believe in ghosts but they like to scare you will tales of demons. Of course all this gave me nightmares as a kid but I was told that one of the stories in my comic could be the cause of the nightmares. Jws take absolutely no responsibility for the fear and trauma they inflict upon you. It’s no wonder I still feel such fear and have nightmares. Luckily I no longer believe that demons are out to get me and love a good ghost story. But for something I believed and feared so much as a child even now it’s still hard to let go.