complicated

The brain is a wonderful and complicated thing. It makes me wonder how we got here. I wonder if we really were made by a creator or if we came into existence from a big bang? Have we evolved from apes or did God create us using nothing but dust and a breath of life? I wonder this because our minds work in so many wonderful ways, sometimes for us and sometimes against us. We think, we feel, we hate, we love, we create and we can save lives. It makes me wonder if a big bang really could create such an amazing organ. An organ that is vital to our existence, an organ that can cause us so much joy and so much pain.

I sometimes get really frustrated with the attitudes of others towards mental health. Even this day in age it is heavily stigmatised. If I were to have a tumour in my brain I would get sympathy or support, people wishing me well and offering help. If I tell people I have depression its a different story even though its still a sickness inside my brain. It can still kill but only after death would I receive sympathy and kind words. But, after suicide its to late. There are all sorts of mental health issues such as depression, PTSD, generalised anxiety disorder, bipolar,schizpphrenia,obsessive compulsive disorder,eating disorders,borderline personality disorder,paranoia,panic attacks, phobias, postnatal depression,insomnia, yourettes, Stockholm syndrome and a new one for me, tulpa as well as many others. Even tough all these illnesses are very real people just still don’t seem to get it or care. People with mental health illnesses are also seen as weird or dangerous especially if they suffer with schizophrenia or hear voices but, the truth is these people are mainly only ever a danger to themselves and also an easy target from others who are dangerous. I get angry at the cruel remarks from others who don’t know the first thing about mental health. A man crashes a plane into the side of a mountain killing himself and scores of others and his actions are blamed on mental health issues. People feel angry so assume that everyone with a servere mental health illness is dangerous and wants to hurt others. Not true! Depression is not an excuse for evil or cruel behaviour. Its also gets me how people can sympathise with others who suffer with mental health issues as long as they are footballers. If your a washed up disgraced footballer who can behave anyway he feels like then you are still classed as a legend or a hero no matter how bad your behaviour is but, anyone is a disgrace or weird or a nobody with a made up illness.

I’m not trying to undermined anyone elses issues all I want is for the sufferers of mental health to be treated with the respect they deserve. To be given the right help they deserve. With the right support and respect so many lives could be saved. We should all be able to voice our pain without shame or judgement and it shouldn’t take a celebrity for these issues to be taken seriously because we all matter whether we are famous or not. Mental health should never be who its about but what its about.

Since ive started this blog and opening up about my experiences I have had a lot of feedback and its been amazing. I have also been asked how I manage and keep going. The truth is sometimes I don’t know myself how I keep going. Our brains are complicated organs and everyones experiences are different. The severity and causes of our illnesses are very different. I suffer very badly with depression but I would never pretend to know that I know exactly how anyone else feels because I don’t. What I can say though is after I started opening up it has done me a lot of good. I recently went to my doctor to explain how bad ive been feeling and now I’m currently waiting for more treatment. I also take medication that I am now sticking to properly. One of the worse things you can do is mess around with your medication, if you need it then take it and sod what anyone else thinks. The most powerful tool for me though has been to talk. I talk trough my videos, I talk through my blog and I talk via facebook. I have gained strength from others and ive slowly started to learn that I am not alone and my illness isn’t my fault. I speak out out because so many others can not, yet. I do not speak for others I speak out to give others courage, to show them they are not alone and that someone cares. I want people to know that they matter famous or not, whether they believe it or not. I speak out for myself to because I am not ashamed anymore. I am strong and so are you. My blogs and videos are brutal and honest and I know many wont take them seriously but, I know that there are many that do and that’s whats important to me. You want to know how I manage and get by? I’m not afraid to speak out and ask for help, that’s how I get by. I also give myself things to look forward to, I write all my laughs and smiles on pieces of paper and put them in a pj bag to read back when I feel down. I have my laveneder products to soothe me at night and I make happy lists in my head to help me drift off to sleep. Does it always work? of course not but if I can get some sort of relief every now and then that’s great. More then anything I urge people not to be afraid and speak out because you matter, you are loved and you are important.

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